I said I would read everything in Cosmo, and that includes the horoscope.
So, what does Cosmo have in mind for Scorpios?
You’re mired in job stress midmonth under the hardworking Sun. This calls for girls’ night at a club. Cocktails, guy eye candy, and your BFFS can get you through anything.
I don’t have “job stress” as much as I have “I don’t have a job and SCAD is sucking away my money” stress. And I won’t be able to get int any of the clubs around here until I’m 21. But yes, cocktails, eye candy, and my BFFs can get me through anything.
Dating tip: Adventurous Saturn says to plan something outdoorsy, like a hike, with a date around the 9th. The day is so romantic and relaxing, your connection with this thoughtful guy will deepen further.
There are some nice wildlife reserves around here, but they have alligators. The Stig is a pretty awesome dude, but I don’t think he could wrestle me from a gator’s death grip. Can I settle for making fun of tourists around Bull Street?
Love advice: Erotic Pluto urges you to do a slow-mo, lights-on striptease by the 26th.
Hmm…midterms should be over by the 26th. This might be plausible.
But really, Cosmo? For the astrological sign that is considered the most sexual, my horoscope gave me the most vanilla advice.