Day 12, Part Two: The World’s Dumbest Workout Routine, Part 1

Last night, I had a delicious bacon and egg cheeseburger at midnight. How terrible of me! I’ve put myself at risk of getting Flabby Arms!

However, Cosmo has come to the rescue with a helpful arm-toning workout called “Erase Arm Flab–Fast” (You Even Better, page 178). The workout comes courtesy of Tracy Anderson, the same woman who advocated the “baby food diet”, and who believes that women are at their best when they have “teeny-tiny dancer bodies”.

I did make an attempt to follow this workout. I absolutely detested it.

Like the title says, these workouts are focused on toning (but not bulking up) arm muscles.

I want to know why Tracy Anderson/Cosmo found it necessary for the model to wear a pair of tight workout pants, and a midriff-baring top, if the focus is on arms. The workouts are variations on arm lifts, but instead of free weights, Cosmo advocates using “18 oz water bottles”. I didn’t have water bottles, but I have plenty of small bottles of cranberry juice:

I’ve been drinking this stuff like it’s going out of style. However, I don’t understand why Cosmo advocated using water bottles to lift weights, and not, oh, I don’t know, actual weights. I just assumed that Cosmo doesn’t think women are capable of purchasing weights at basically any sporting goods shop or big box store, but evidently Anderson has said that women should not lift more than three pounds. Really, Tracy Anderson? REALLY? Does she hire people to carry all of her heavy stuff for her?

Anyhow, these exercises made me look and feel like a total jackass. I’m really glad that my roomate didnt’ walk in on me doing ridiculous arm lifts with two cranberry juice bottles. However, I was lifting to Daft Punk, so she would at least see that I have good taste in music.

If I really felt like working out my “flabby” arms, I’d go over to the school gym, and work out there. I got more of a workout walking to and from the computer lab to scan the pages for this post than from the Stupid Water Bottle Workout. And Tracy, when I do excercise and move my body, I do things like bicycling and yoga. And they make me feel great. Your advice to avoid these activities because they could “bulk” up my muscles, or “make me dizzy” is bunk. Why is it that women who do have muscles and curves repulse you so much?

Oh, and Tracy, my arms aren’t flabby.

After my “workout” I had some leftover Zunzi’s. Cosmo and Tracy can suck it.

This entry was posted in Advice, Body Image, Celebrity, Cosmo, Sexism, Women and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to Day 12, Part Two: The World’s Dumbest Workout Routine, Part 1

  1. That first picture of you is fantastic.

    Also, way to avoid the UTIs, m’lady. Well played.

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