Day 13, Part One: Cosmo really tests the “There Are No Stupid Questions” theory with their godawful sex advice

Well, it’s the moment you’ve all been waiting for: IT’S SEX TIME!
Or, more specifically, the next couple of days will be devoted to deconstructing Cosmo’s advice on sex. Ergo, posts may be NSFW (if you happen to be that one unlucky bastard who is working on the weekend).

“100 Crazy, Dirty Sex Questions (Answered in 20 Words or Less)” (Love & Lust, page 140) is a very misleading title. Most of the questions aren’t crazy, most of the sex advice is far from dirty, and the answers are as stupid as they are brief. Here’s some examples:

Is there a subtle way to spit out semen after oral sex? Not really. Use a tissue, or go to a bathroom if it’s nearby.

Or swallow.

If you’re pregnant, can the man’s penis hit the baby during sex? No. The cervix is a barrier between your vagina and uterus, so the baby is protected.

And this is why we need comprehensive sex-ed in this country.

I like girl-on-girl porn, but I’m straight. Is this normal? Yes. Some women prefer watching chicks since they seem less intimidating.

First of all, normal is just a setting on the dishwasher. Second, why the sweeping generalization that all men in porn are intimidating? Third, this is why the heteronormative gender binary is so goddamn stupid.

Is it life-threatening for a guy to blow air up your vadge while going down on you or is that an urban legend? It’s dangerous, since air bubbles could travel to your heart, causing a fatal embolism.

Wait….WHAT? Is this seriously for real? Could someone with a medical background back this up? Or provide a clarification? Please?

He wants me to give his butt hole oral attention. Is that sanitary? Only if he’s showered and you stick to his cheeks. Otherwise, you can pick up all sorts of bacteria.

Uh, two words for you: DENTAL. DAM. You can get them at Babeland. You’re welcome.

Do men have a G-spot too? Sorta: the prostate. Stimulate it by pressing between his testicles and butt with your thumb.

You can also stimulate a man’s prostate by inserting a (very lubed up finger) into his anus, and curling it towards his stomach. There are a myriad variety of prostate massagers and butt plugs that can make prostate stimulation enjoyable. You can get them at Babeland. You’re welcome. And no, enjoying anal prostate stimulation does not mean your man is gay.

My boyfriend asked how I masturbate, but I’m not comfortable describing it. What should I tell him? Guide his hand, and say “Let me show you instead”.

Or, I dunno, tell him that you’re not comfortable describing your masturbatory habits to him. And you don’t have to show off if you don’t want to. Part of being in a relationship is being able to trust boundaries.

Is it possible to be asexual? Yes, but it’s rare: 1 in 100 adults is asexual. Still, they can enjoy other aspects of intimacy, like cuddling.
If a woman is paralyzed from the waist down, is it still possible for her to orgasm? Yes. Some paralyzed women can climax by stimulating other body parts, like their breasts.

I’m combining these two questions, because they both operate under the principle that certain groups can be treated like curiosities, and someone else can answer for them. I checked the small print at the end of the article, and the “experts” listed had not written anything specifically about sex and disability, or asexuality. How would an asexual or disabled woman feel about having questions like if they really existed, or capable of having orgasms featured in Cosmo, and were answered in “20 words or less”? If Cosmo is going to make sweeping answers to inappropriate questions, they might as well included the close-minded frat-boy favorite “Uhh…I don’t get it. How do two chicks have sex?”.

Disabled and asexual women express their sexuality on their own terms, and that expression is far more diverse than “asexual women cuddle” and “paralyzed women have orgasmic breasts”. But admitting that would also mean that Cosmo would actually have to treat these groups with respect and dignity.

For actually decent information on asexuality, check out the Asexual Visibility and Education Network. The Sexual Health Network has a great page on sexuality, disability and illness.  For additional questions about sexuality, check out the list of links on the Our Bodies, Ourselves site. Questions about sexuality usually need to be answered in more than 20 words, because intelligence in this case is far superior to brevity.

And finally, a personal recommendation for sex advice that could eat Cosmo for breakfast would be the book Moregasm: Babeland’s Guide to Mind-Blowing Sex. You can buy it at Babeland. You’re welcome.

This entry was posted in Advice, Body Image, Cosmo, Heteronormativity, Print is dead, Sex, Sexism, Women and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

4 Responses to Day 13, Part One: Cosmo really tests the “There Are No Stupid Questions” theory with their godawful sex advice

  1. Hypothetical Woman says:

    Is it life-threatening for a guy to blow air up your vadge while going down on you or is that an urban legend? It’s dangerous, since air bubbles could travel to your heart, causing a fatal embolism.

    You WHAT? Did these people never pay attention in school? There is no WAY this is possible. Seriously, I am fairly certain that the worst it’s possible to get from a guy blowing air up your ‘vadge’ is a pussyfart. Surely?

  2. cleofaye says:

    Actually, the air in the vagina thing is real. I came across the fact multiple times in my sex research for my thesis in college. It’s rare, but the vagina walls are super absorbant and lead directly to the blood stream. Theoretically a bubble could enter the blood stream and kill you. However, this involves blowing air directly in the vagina, something I don’t think happens all that often. It was also stated that since pregnant women have more blood flow to the vulva, it was more likely for a very pregnant woman.

    Here’s a link about it from Go Ask Alice, a site run by Columbia University’s Health Services.

  3. Lasciel says:

    Funny you link to AVEN, when nothing Cosmo said is any different than what AVEN says. Asexuality is real, it’s uncommon, some asexuals enjoy intimacy.

    Since I have been told by “experts” (psychiatrists who have written and taught about human sexuality) that asexuality does NOT exist, I don’t have a problem with letting the non-expert writers at Cosmo talk about my orientation.

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