The last bit of content in the October Cosmo is the quiz “Do You Bend Over Backward for Your Guy?” (page 268) Since I can’t keep the FAIL all to myself, I figured I’d share it:
Your man leaves the toilet seat up like it’s his job, and it’s getting really freakin’ old. How do you deal?
A. Cover the toilet in plastic wrap to teach him a lesson next time he pees.
B. Give him the silent treatment for a few minutes.
C. Call him out and joke that dinner’s on him until he ditches the habit.
The Stig puts the seat down all the time. Suck it, Cosmo.
For your six-month anniversary, you get your guy:
A. Two tickets to see the band he got you obsessed with.
B. Some pretty lingerie you’ve had your eye on. What? He’ll benefit too.
C. A framed copy of the Megan Fox poster he’s been drooling over.
I don’t even remember what date our “anniversary” is. And I did just purchase his birthday present, which he picked out. Not because I’m a pushover, but because I wanted to get something he would like.
When was the last time you hung out with your girls?
A. Two weeks ago. You and your man bumped into them at your go-to bar.
B. Monday, when you hosted Real Housewives night.
C. Last night. You cancelled on your guy to grab drinks with them.
About a week and a half ago. Because I spent the weekend doing homework. SCAD has a tendency to suck away at one’s soul.
You’ve been on a health kick, but your man picks an all-you-can-eat wings joint on his birthday. You:
A. Lie and tell him you’ve already made reservations somewhere else.
B. go with but don’t take “all you can eat” quite as literally as he does.
C. Leave the place stuffed and with a new nickname: Wing Commander.
Okay, this one I can sort of sympathize with. I eat a lot of vegetables (I swear I’m part bunnyrabbit), and The Stig detests them. But, when we do eat together, we are equally likely to enjoy cardiac-arrest inducing food. because the bacon and egg cheeseburger at IHOP is DELICIOUS.
Your guy insists you’ll love the movie Snakes on a Plane. Yeah…your dad’s nose ‘fro is more entertaining. When he asks what you thought, you say:
A. “I’m glad I saw it, but you’re screwed if my movie taste is ever a trivia-night category”.
B. “It was hilarious! You know me so well”.
C. “Giant waste of time. You just lost movie-choosing privileges forever”.
Unlike the hypothetical men in Cosmo, The Stig actually has good taste in movies.
Basically, Cosmo scores this quiz so that there are three groups of answers “Miss Man Pleaser”, “Queen of Compromise”, and “It’s All About You”. Like every single quiz, there is always the option for the “perfectly balanced” woman, the woman who needs to “assert herself more”, and the woman who is “too domineering”, which is the same sort of B.S. that I see EVERY FUCKING WHERE. How many sitcoms/movies/blog posts/supposedly satirical misogynistic college newspaper columns make jokes about how women are too bitchy and demanding, or too much of a pushover? This perfect balance doesn’t exist. There are times when I am more “domineering”, there are times when I want someone else to make all of my decisions for me, and there are times when I work to compromise. Because I’m human, and everyone does this. Does anyone at Cosmo realize that people’s experiences can’t be easily compartmentalized into these generic quizzes?
And if they’re “just for fun”, then aren’t there some better options for “light” and “fluffy” content? What about a crossword puzzle? A sexy connect-the-dots? Anything other than this crap?