Wow. Trojan has a new vibrator out, called the Triphoria (Tri plus Euphoria, get it?), and someone managed to write a TV ad for Trojan that never uses the word “vibrator”, but did use plenty of Cosmo-worthy euphemisms for “Use this vibrator. On your clitoris. It will feel good. You will orgasm. Use it with your partner so they don’t feel inadequate”.
Because GOD FORBID some small child watching Seinfeld reruns (?!?) hears the word “vibrator”. Because that will automatically turn them into a SEX MANIAC!!1111!!!11!!!!111!
I’ve wondered if Cosmo’s fear of mentioning the word “vagina” on their covers, and their prolific use of sexual euphemisms between the covers stems from the same fear of being accused of “harming children”. Honestly, the answer isn’t treating readers or viewers like children. If your child asks you a question about sex you’re not comfortable with answering, why not just say “That’s something for grownups/that grownups do”? Besides, if they take the bus to school, they will eventually learn about what sex is anyway.
And honestly, I went on the Trojan website, and I did not experience the impulse to buy the Triphoria. I also don’t like Trojan condoms. So I’ll stick to my Layaspot, and Birds And Bees condoms. Which you can buy at Babeland. You’re welcome.