Day 22, Part One: Adventures in Mad Matte Lipstick and More

I am tied up with finishing a PhotoShop assignment, but my good friend Brit has a guest post, on some horrible matte lipstick advice.

Greetings blogosphere! In case you haven’t figured it out, I’m the “lucky” friend that decided to undertake the “Master Fall’s Matte Mouth” look, found on page 114 of October’s Cosmo.

All I can say is don’t try this at home, unless you like dry, powdery feeling lips. Cosmo claims that this look doesn’t “have to be dry”, but I found out otherwise.

First of all, I don’t usually wear lipstick. If I do, I generally swipe on a quick layer, blot, and top it off with my favorite flavored lip balm. The color stays, my lips don’t feel sticky, and I don’t have to worry about it. So a six step cheat sheet was already scaring me a bit, but I carried on.

Steps 1, 4, and 5 were okay…put on some lip balm before hand, use short, light strokes so you’re not over-applying, and use a lip brush to make it even. Not too bad right? Until you read steps 2, 3, and 6. Step 2 involves coating your entire lips with lip liner. I used a nicer brand, but my lips still felt rather chalky. Then came step 3, aka the hell step: brushing a thin layer of translucent powder onto my lips. BOOM! All moisture sucked out of my lips. I tried this twice with different powder, and both times my lips felt plain disgusting.

And in case any moisture was reintroduced when I actually put on the lipstick, I had to blot off any residue. Hello, desert lips! (I may be smiling in the picture, but only through sheer force of will.)

Because I wasn’t done torturing myself yet, I decided to turn the page and try a few of Cosmo’s Beauty Showdown tips. I was already wearing pink lipstick that matched my pink dress, so “makeup to match your girly dress” could be checked off. Cosmo also suggested slicking back my hair, and wiggling a mascara wand through the roots of my eyelashes for “exra oomph”.

None of these tips are particularly creative or new. In fact, this entire article seems to exist solely to make fun of a few bad celebrity makeup choices, and then highlight what they *should* have done. “Haha, Kat Graham is wearing totally hideous orange lipstick that matches her necklace! But ScarJo is wearing pretty pink lipstick that just happens to sort of match her pretty girly dress! Let’s make it an article!” (By the way, I’d LOVE to figure out how Cosmo decides what articles to write…my bet’s on a drinking game.)

So what’s my final take on all this? There were individual tips in the matte lips section that could stand on their own. Fuller lashes without clumps are nice. And it *can* be fun to match your makeup to your outfit. But overall?

I think Cosmo just likes messing with us.

Brit is a bawdy brunette who braves the blustering bitchiness of buffoons with boldness and brilliance. She is majoring in Human Biology and Bioethics and will soon be attending medical school (basically, getting certified for the health advice she already doles out). As a long time friend and fellow schemer of Elena’s, plan on a few more guest entries as this month unfolds.

This entry was posted in Advice, Beauty, BY BRIT, Celebrity, Cosmo, Fashion, Makeup, Print is dead, Women and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

One Response to Day 22, Part One: Adventures in Mad Matte Lipstick and More

  1. Pingback: Day 23, Part Three: Matte Lipstick Done Right | Chronicles of A Cosmo Nut

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