I feel somewhat obligated to post this video in response to the article “Why Bad Romances Won’t Let Go” (CosmoNews Relationships, page 52).
For the most part, the advice in this article isn’t actually bad (if you’ve had a bad relationship experience, you’re more hesitant to open up to someone new, you may be more sensitive to the slightest behaviors that remind you of your ex, etc). As someone who had to deal with an ex dumping me over the phone (for incredibly stupid reasons), I did take a long time to get back to a place where I felt comfortable in a relationship. However, Cosmo does take a few missteps, including:
It was a bummer when Halle berry broke up with Gabriel Aubry, her steady boyfriend of four years. After her horrible track record with guys–two divorces, cheating exes–it seemed like she had finally settled down with the right man. What happened? Halle’s friends reportedly said she’s so love-scarred, she pushes many away before they disappoint her.
So, we’re going to talk about an incredibly beautiful, talented actress, who was the first African-American woman to win an Oscar for Best Leading Actress, and the face of a cosmetics campaign, and we’re going to say that she’s some sort of failure because she ended a relationship of four years? Why is it so acceptable to define successful women by their relationships? Frankly, the fact that Halle had a long-term relationship after some bad ones is a testament to her ability to bounce back. And really friends? You’re going to talk about Halle’s love life to Cosmo? Y’all fail as friends.
Also, take into account what your family and friends think of him, since they have your best interests at heart and don’t want to see you get hurt. If you need to vent your worries, blab to them or a professional, and take a pass on turning your guy into your therapist because, as Hoistad says “you shouldn’t look to your partner to fix you”.
So, I’m not supposed to tell a guy why I might have misgivings about entering into a relationship? That’s just as bad as treating a new relationship as a way to “fix” all of your problems. When I first met The Stig, I told him about my bad breakup, and my hesitance about entering a new relationship. We both rant at each other when we need to get something off our chests. I’m sure our relationship would make a Cosmo editor’s head explode.